How Can I Gift Without Guilt?

Shopping for gifts can add to holiday stress. Because everyone’s budget is different, some family members and friends will likely spend more on loved ones than the loved ones spend on them. As a result, some people experience guilt when giving gifts.

Why Some People Feel Guilty When Giving Gifts

Some people feel they don’t deserve gifts if they don't spend as much on those who give them:

• Many individuals feel unworthy of having time or money spent on them.

• Some people believe they aren’t giving enough and don’t deserve to receive more than they gave.

• Many people might struggle with receiving attention or feeling self-worth.

• Some individuals might feel uncomfortable with someone going out of their way to do something nice for them.

• Many people feel guilty because they have nothing to give in return.

Potential Unintended Results of Giving Gifts

Because most people value reciprocity, they want to give in proportion to what they receive. Therefore, receiving gifts of higher value than what was given can activate unintended feelings, including guilt:

• Family members and friends might punish others’ generosity because their kindness caused feelings of inadequacy.

• These individuals might feel the giver made them look bad.

• Family and friends might feel jealous of those who gave more than they did.

• These people might feel they aren’t doing enough for others during the holiday season.

• Family and friends might cause others to believe they owe them for doing something nice.

Tips to Gift Without Guilt

If you grew up in an environment where you weren’t given much attention or affection, you might feel uncomfortable receiving quality gifts, especially high-ticket items. As a result, you could feel you must make up for giving less to the same people.

The following tips can help you gift without feeling guilty:

1. Prepare Yourself in Advance

Be intentional as you navigate the holiday season. For instance, ask yourself why you feel guilty about receiving gifts that might be of higher value or quality than those you give. Perhaps you are great at taking care of others, but you don’t feel you deserve to be taken care of. Or, maybe you were regularly given negative messages as a child that impacted your self-esteem.

Focus on the joy you feel when giving gifts. Know that others feel the same way when receiving your gifts.

2. Shift Your Focus

Consider how you can be a good gift recipient. Making others feel good can be a gift in itself. For instance, express gratitude for the gift, including why you appreciate it. Check in with the giver when you use the gift to express additional thanks.

3. Give Yourself Compassion

Give yourself grace if the gifts you give don’t seem to reach your preferred level. Your ability to give gifts will change as your circumstances change. Even if you can’t give as much as you’d like, you might be able to at another time.

4. Get Back to the Basics

Gift giving is about honoring connection. It’s about giving joy and enhancing relationships.

Let go of the superficial parts of gift-giving. Making it more about performing takes away its meaning:

• Focusing on reciprocal gift giving is limiting.

• No relationship is perfectly balanced.

• A holiday gift is one part of your relationship, not its entirety.

5. Avoid Overthinking Gift-Giving

The holidays are a time of kindness, compassion, and gratitude. They’re not about commercialism, material items, and buying the perfect gifts.

Consciously focus on giving and receiving enjoyment during the holiday season. Although you cannot control whether you give someone as much as they give you, you can control how you react. Be intentional about giving and receiving connection and joy through your interactions.

*This information is for educational purposes only.